Bassanova serves up a heady stew of cosmopolitan fusion goodness in a quiet corner of Setagaya, Tokyo. How do Thai green curry and ramen noodles mix? Like Brazilian polyrhythms and jazz guitar, apparently. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, let me put it in plain English for you. “Quite well, actually.” Quite well indeed.

At the edge of Nagoya’s old shopping district sits Misen, originator of Japan’s little known Taiwan-style ramen. A product of the area’s ethnically Taiwanese immigrants, stepping into Misen is like leaving Japan for an afternoon slurp. Bring on the beer, this is one greasy spoon that will remind you Asia is much more than an island nation of giant robots and Pocky!

Hot off the Tokaido Shinkansen, rameniac pays a visit to Japan’s shiny new ramen robots at Fa-Men. You’ve seen them on the news, now learn if assembly-line automation can truly build a better bowl than a cranky old dude with a towel around his head. Ladies and gentlemen, we are floating in a bowl of space-aged slurping. Now with official rameniac video!

Sapporo Rai Rai rounds out rameniac’s latest trip to the fiftieth state. With stiff competition from a number of famed local eateries just down the road, can this nominal noodler survive on a sun-drenched stretch of paradise? It’s locals only when you’re this far off the beach…

What’s this? It looks like a weed has grown out of rameniac’s shoyu ramen! Its true he often takes a while in between posts, but… oh wait, it’s just spicy mustard greens from a bowl of “ao ramen” at Kiwami in Waikiki, arguably the most Japanese of Japanese noodle shops between Ala Moana and Diamond Head. Now what does that even mean?

Ramen Ezogiku is a Honolulu institution, a miso ramen joint from Tokyo that made its way to the islands some thirty years ago. If you’re looking for something down home and familiar, this could be the place, with noodles like mom might have made them or the stuff you had in your high school cafeteria growing up. But nostalgia can only get you so far…

Chin-Ma-Ya isn’t the only tan tan men game going Stateside; Honolulu’s Gomaichi has been promoting the art of spicy Szechuan noodling since the mid-nineties. But does it pack heat enough to send scorched diners diving into the blue Pacific as proper bowl should? Open sesame to find out. Sorry, that was way too easy.

Waikiki’s Ramen Nakamura is home to something you don’t see every slurp, ox-tail ramen! How do those gnarly, gristly chunks of bovine fare in a bowl of otherwise familiar shio-based noodles? Stop in for a bite on your way to the surf and the snorkel, and be glad Honolulu has got it goin’ on.

Haughty or hot? Ramen California is simply so far out there that you’ll either love it or hate it. I for one am sold on ramen genius Sean Nakamura’s groundbreaking Stateside molecular gastrolab, a miracle of a restaurant that will force you to rethink everything you’ve ever known about a bowl of the you-know-what.

Tenka Ippin is Kyoto’s entry into the North American ramen sweepstakes, only, it’s been around for years, serving up consistently rich chicken-bone ramen to the lucky locals of Honolulu. Step into liquid with this authentic Japanese ramen operation out on the 50th state. Scott Suzui, you gotta bring this stuff over to the mainland, know what I mean?

In the shadow of Canal City Hakata stands Ichiryu, a world-class tonkotsu ramen yatai that dwarfs the competition if simply by the size of its queues. Rameniac makes it a point to visit this modest tonkotsu ramen stand whenever he’s in town, sometimes once, twice, even three times over the course of a stay. Yep, it really is that good. That’s all you need to know!

Oh it’s true. A minor bout of writer’s block and a mostly salad intake (say what?) managed to sideline rameniac’s noodling for the past two months. But now he’s back, with all the juicy details on Ippudo NY, the East Village’s hottest new ramen shop and a testament to the 90-minute wait for a table! Grab a spot at the bar and drink up! Who eats ramen sober?

Momofuku is a) the dude who invented instant ramen b) the name of an Elvis Costello album c) an Iron Chef’s pick for the top ramen in New York or d) all of the above? Jamal Malik, would you like to use a lifeline? Take the money and run, for it’ll cost you a pretty penny to down a few bowls at David Chang’s decidedly controversial noodle bar! 

Chin-Ma-Ya is Little Tokyo’s newest ramen shop, specializing in an authentic Sichuan-style tan tan men that will have peppercorns oozing through your pores. Capsaicin as a health food? According to ancient Chinese wisdom, and savvy Japanese marketing. The folks upstairs at Orochon must be quaking in their aprons...

What could prompt an hour-long lineup on a small, residential side street in eastern Tokyo nearly every single day? How about Menya Kissou, a noon-only noodler with the #1 all time rating on Japan’s foremost ramen website? 120 million people can’t be wrong… or can they?

Change is upon us, top-down, in the form of… Obama Ramen! This brand-new Tokyo noodle shop has been chosen to usher the world into a brave new future of global unwarming, diplomacy, and flying cars. Oh yea, some guy got elected president recently. This ain’t about him. I hear he’s awesome too, but whatever. I’m hungry.

Midtown Manhattan’s Menchanko-tei (say that three times fast!) serves up a sumo-style stew of traditional Japanese hot pot and ramen noodles. They’re also from Hakata, so expect an attempt at tonkotsu ramen. But does it fall flat like a teetering yokozuna? That thundering sound you hear might well be the din of a few bowls breaking…

Sapporo Restaurant is as old as Times Square itself, a noodle shop from the days when the Dutch purchased New Amsterdam for trinkets and a few slabs of chashu. Ok, so I lie. But this veritable New York landmark has indeed been around for years, and has even been featured on the big screen! How’s that for coming to America in style?

Fire up the smokestacks, Minca Ramen Factory is operating at full capacity. This off-the-beaten path East Village ramen shop is still unknown to quite a few of rameniac’s New York friends. But what’s in a name? If Minca is a truly a ramen factory, then assembly-line noodles never tasted so good. Or so authentic!

Curry is a staple, if relatively underrated dish in the pantheon of Japanese cuisine, and Nissin Cup Noodle’s variation on the theme is right up there in terms of popularity as an quick instant ramen fix. It’s not the sort of thing that rameniac eats every day, but when you’re hungry, it’s best not to ask too many questions and just slurp it all down.